interesting...

i find it interesting how my life has changed. how i have changed a lot with it.

i look back at my previous posts, and i realize that i was kinda depressed. and i stopped writing for a while, well since april the semester has ended and i have moved to alaska for the summer. random i know, but i needed to get away from arizona and break some ties.
and i am so glad that i broke them. i am a better person because of it actually. which actually makes me kinda sad, but i'm honestly not that torn up about it.

this summer has been hard. so far away from everyone except for shelby, who keeps me sane, and i've had a lot of tough lessons to learn.
i lost my grandfather this summer, and that was really hard. i had to learn how to cope with death for the first time. and i think that was because this was the first death of someone that was really close to me. and i have discovered that i don't cope very well. with pretty much anything emotional, but at least i'm learning right?! :)

my mother has also been in the hospital a lot lately. and that was tough being so far away and unable to help or do ANYTHING and not really knowing what was going on was the hardest part i think....
but she's doing better now so it's ok

now. i was actually in a relationship this summer! shocker right?! hahaha
his name was Zach. and he taught me so much about faith. and about how to deal with different trials and tests in life. and he doesn't realize it, but he really taught me a lot about how to be in a relationship. he was the first return missionary that i've dated. and i realized that it's hard to date someone that is actually doing what's right in their life! and that potential marriage scares me. which, is understandable. but i think that it was good for me to date someone that actually would think about the future, in an eternal perspective and not just drifting from day to day.
i mean, think about who i've dated the last 2 years..... ha. yeah....
he taught me how to care about someone without feeling like i had to carry them upwards. i usually feel like i have to support and carry people through everything in life. and he was the first one that was actually taking care of ME! and it felt nice for a change. and i have learned a lot. so thank you zachary :)

oh. and did i mention one of the best parts of my summer?? MY BEST FRIEND GOT BACK FROM HIS MISSION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and i am so happy! i actually have talked to him on the phone, heard his voice, heard more about iceland.... the only sad part is that he'll be back in idaho before i'll be back in arizona! :( which is actually quite sad, but it's ok! it's not like i won't see him at christmas right?! interesting fact:  i told him that i was so excited and that i had missed him  A LOT on the phone when he first called me. and he asked "why?"  ummmmmm.....because you're my best friend silly! we used to hang out and talk all. the. time.!! of course i missed you like crazy! and i wrote you CONSTANTLY! lol that should have been a good indication. also, the fact that i was almost in tears when you called me was a pretty clear indication that i missed you :)

anyways,
i saw the northern lights for the first time last night. and it was AMAZING! in it's kinda funny that it gave me a new outlook on life, and a new hope. and i'm so grateful for that! i feel so much better about my summer! like maybe this wasn't all a waste, and that i'm not a complete screw up.

yay!

:)
life is good. i miss going to school (it feels weird hearing about everyone else starting school and i'm still working). i'm staying positive!
:)