damn him

oh my hell. it's 3:19 in the effing morning, and i can't sleep. and you want to know why??

because there's this guy that has to be an asshole. and he has to start things that he has no intention of finishing.  so thanks you jerk. you're the one that's keeping me up at night. and all of these stupid dreams are driving me crazy, and all that's happened is that events change. and you've been haunting me for the last damn semester, can you get out of my head please? and the really stupid part? is that you're not even talking to me anymore. i'm so glad that i get to be a convenient friend for you.
well guess what. it's not very convenient for you to build up all of this sexual tension, and then leave me hanging. screw you, you're a dick.

and another thing...

my best friend thinks that i have this major issue with this chick jessica. when really, i don't. and it's so dumb!  yes, i think that she was a bitch for the stupid shit that she pulled like a year ago. and I'M SORRY if that's what i automatically think about when i hear her name. but ya know what? i understand the whole forgiveness thing. i really do. and so if you want to be her friend, then hell! that's perfectly fine! i honestly don't have a problem with that. and you think that you've got me all figured out. HA! dude, you have no freaking idea. you say that you've got all these masks, but guess what love... you're not the only one.  maybe i don't have tons of masks, but lord knows that i stick to the ones that work.
so i'm soooo glad that you were ignoring me when i really needed to talk to you. i thought that we had this thing going where we could talk about anything without judging, and without brushing each other's problems off as nothing. WHOOPS! my bad.  cuz guess what? i don't judge you on things that go down. does it make me upset sometimes? hell yes. because i care. WELL EXCUSE ME FOR CARING! damn. i miss you.

and on a side note, i'm so SICK of all of the drama bullshit of thatcher.  people always talk about how it was so awesome, and they met the love of their life there. well whoop-de-freaking-do. that's fine for you, but honestly eac has kinda been a shitty experience. why is it that everything that is so awesome for everyone else, doesn't work out that way for me??? it happened at efy, all through high school, and now in college. i'm so glad that i feel like a defective, on top of being the failure of the family.

well guess what, believe it or not, i'm trying to get my shit together and figure out what i want to do with my life. and if that doesn't fit in with your "plans" then get the hell out of my way.
and if you think that you'd have to "count on both hands" how many people think that i've been different and that i've been a bitch the last semester, then think about this.  who was i hanging out with that could have helped with that transformation??? yeah, now it all makes sense huh? congrats. my life is now a living hell. but i'm not the type of person that's going to blame others, oh no. i made PLENTY of dumb decisions this last semester.  so screw you.

i'm done failing. i'm done with drama. i'm focusing on school, and i WILL succeed. so get the hell out of my way, because i'm over you and your bullshit.