do you think that dreams come true? and how much control do we really have on those dreams?
in my opinion, dreams suck.
they're the one place that i can't find my masks to hide behind. i don't like my emotions, when they finally come out of my head they tend to explode...lol just ask the people that i live with at school...
dreams are the place where i can't be in denial anymore. and it really sucks. 3 different dreams last night. and i didn't like ANY of them..... sometimes they show me what i'm trying to hide from. feelings that i'm trying to figure out or suppress
there have been times when i've woken up smiling, or sobbing, or "hormonal" as hell....lol
and honestly, sometimes my dreams scare me. and i don't sleep that well.
i don't believe in that 11:11 make a wish, wishing on a shooting star, breaking the wishbone of a bird, or "somewhere over the rainbow".....
i think it's a waste of time.
there WAS time when i thought those things were fun, but life is just not that way. wishes don't come true unless you MAKE them come true. and that's not going to happen by wishing on a star, or by letting your emotions take control.
one of my favorite quotes is from the new alice in wonderland... "nothing was ever accomplished by tears"
i hate crying, and if you make me cry.... sometimes i'll cry harder just because i hate crying and it makes me angry!
look. i understand that there's a total difference emotionally between guys and girls. i mean duh, that's why women are meant to be the the nurturers in families. generally it's how women naturally behave.
and men are the protectors, at least, i hope they are. and sometimes, i just need to be held...and told that it's going to be ok. cuz i really don't feel ok. not now, and i haven't for a while. a girl can only comfort another girl so much... and men actually make pretty good springboards usually....
tears never bother me (whether from a guy or a girl), unless they are coming from my own eyes...
and then there's the asshole who decides that he needs to tell me to toughen up, and that it's just life. well guess what....i've been sucking it up. and it gets hard. and for crying out loud! i'm a GIRL!!! we have to talk stuff out or our brains explode. sometimes i want help fixing what's wrong, and if i do...I'LL EFFING ASK! but sometimes i just need to be comforted. and maybe get a hug and a kiss on the forehead. lol :)
my best friend mitch is really good at the comfort thing.... and i know that sometimes he feels like i just use him, but i honestly don't mean to. he also thinks that i subconsciously think of him as a "gay best friend" hahah but trust me, that is soooooo not true. lol oh the things that i hide from the world......
i miss him. i really do. and when he doesn't talk to me, my world starts to feel like it's falling apart. and i don't think he realizes how much i need him. or not even need, but want him in my life. i mean, jeez. he's a really smart guy.... i love him. he's one of the best friends a person could have. he's always got your back, he's smart, lol and pretty smooth too in all honesty, and he's funny as hell and can always make me laugh and brighten my day
people may think that i'm a heartless bitch if they don't know me. but trust me, sometimes i care TOO much and it ends up screwing me over.
hard.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
damn him
oh my hell. it's 3:19 in the effing morning, and i can't sleep. and you want to know why??
because there's this guy that has to be an asshole. and he has to start things that he has no intention of finishing. so thanks you jerk. you're the one that's keeping me up at night. and all of these stupid dreams are driving me crazy, and all that's happened is that events change. and you've been haunting me for the last damn semester, can you get out of my head please? and the really stupid part? is that you're not even talking to me anymore. i'm so glad that i get to be a convenient friend for you.
well guess what. it's not very convenient for you to build up all of this sexual tension, and then leave me hanging. screw you, you're a dick.
and another thing...
my best friend thinks that i have this major issue with this chick jessica. when really, i don't. and it's so dumb! yes, i think that she was a bitch for the stupid shit that she pulled like a year ago. and I'M SORRY if that's what i automatically think about when i hear her name. but ya know what? i understand the whole forgiveness thing. i really do. and so if you want to be her friend, then hell! that's perfectly fine! i honestly don't have a problem with that. and you think that you've got me all figured out. HA! dude, you have no freaking idea. you say that you've got all these masks, but guess what love... you're not the only one. maybe i don't have tons of masks, but lord knows that i stick to the ones that work.
so i'm soooo glad that you were ignoring me when i really needed to talk to you. i thought that we had this thing going where we could talk about anything without judging, and without brushing each other's problems off as nothing. WHOOPS! my bad. cuz guess what? i don't judge you on things that go down. does it make me upset sometimes? hell yes. because i care. WELL EXCUSE ME FOR CARING! damn. i miss you.
and on a side note, i'm so SICK of all of the drama bullshit of thatcher. people always talk about how it was so awesome, and they met the love of their life there. well whoop-de-freaking-do. that's fine for you, but honestly eac has kinda been a shitty experience. why is it that everything that is so awesome for everyone else, doesn't work out that way for me??? it happened at efy, all through high school, and now in college. i'm so glad that i feel like a defective, on top of being the failure of the family.
well guess what, believe it or not, i'm trying to get my shit together and figure out what i want to do with my life. and if that doesn't fit in with your "plans" then get the hell out of my way.
and if you think that you'd have to "count on both hands" how many people think that i've been different and that i've been a bitch the last semester, then think about this. who was i hanging out with that could have helped with that transformation??? yeah, now it all makes sense huh? congrats. my life is now a living hell. but i'm not the type of person that's going to blame others, oh no. i made PLENTY of dumb decisions this last semester. so screw you.
i'm done failing. i'm done with drama. i'm focusing on school, and i WILL succeed. so get the hell out of my way, because i'm over you and your bullshit.
because there's this guy that has to be an asshole. and he has to start things that he has no intention of finishing. so thanks you jerk. you're the one that's keeping me up at night. and all of these stupid dreams are driving me crazy, and all that's happened is that events change. and you've been haunting me for the last damn semester, can you get out of my head please? and the really stupid part? is that you're not even talking to me anymore. i'm so glad that i get to be a convenient friend for you.
well guess what. it's not very convenient for you to build up all of this sexual tension, and then leave me hanging. screw you, you're a dick.
and another thing...
my best friend thinks that i have this major issue with this chick jessica. when really, i don't. and it's so dumb! yes, i think that she was a bitch for the stupid shit that she pulled like a year ago. and I'M SORRY if that's what i automatically think about when i hear her name. but ya know what? i understand the whole forgiveness thing. i really do. and so if you want to be her friend, then hell! that's perfectly fine! i honestly don't have a problem with that. and you think that you've got me all figured out. HA! dude, you have no freaking idea. you say that you've got all these masks, but guess what love... you're not the only one. maybe i don't have tons of masks, but lord knows that i stick to the ones that work.
so i'm soooo glad that you were ignoring me when i really needed to talk to you. i thought that we had this thing going where we could talk about anything without judging, and without brushing each other's problems off as nothing. WHOOPS! my bad. cuz guess what? i don't judge you on things that go down. does it make me upset sometimes? hell yes. because i care. WELL EXCUSE ME FOR CARING! damn. i miss you.
and on a side note, i'm so SICK of all of the drama bullshit of thatcher. people always talk about how it was so awesome, and they met the love of their life there. well whoop-de-freaking-do. that's fine for you, but honestly eac has kinda been a shitty experience. why is it that everything that is so awesome for everyone else, doesn't work out that way for me??? it happened at efy, all through high school, and now in college. i'm so glad that i feel like a defective, on top of being the failure of the family.
well guess what, believe it or not, i'm trying to get my shit together and figure out what i want to do with my life. and if that doesn't fit in with your "plans" then get the hell out of my way.
and if you think that you'd have to "count on both hands" how many people think that i've been different and that i've been a bitch the last semester, then think about this. who was i hanging out with that could have helped with that transformation??? yeah, now it all makes sense huh? congrats. my life is now a living hell. but i'm not the type of person that's going to blame others, oh no. i made PLENTY of dumb decisions this last semester. so screw you.
i'm done failing. i'm done with drama. i'm focusing on school, and i WILL succeed. so get the hell out of my way, because i'm over you and your bullshit.
Sunday, December 12, 2010
HA! truths of life
i am smarter then you think.
apparently this is the place to vent feelings to the world.
Guys can be such assholes--you know who you are.
i am so sick of being picked up, carried for a bit, and then not dropped but THROWN.
music to the medical field may be a big jump, but i am prepared to make it. no matter what you think or say.
people say stupid shit, get over it
people make mistakes, and if it doesn't kill you then get the hell over it.
don't mess with someone else's relationships, butt out it's not yours
i'm a naturally jealous person
i hate it when close friends don't talk to me, and i don't even know what the hell i did
it's AMAZING how the people who you never thought would screw you over, hurt you the most
fuck thatcher.
apparently this is the place to vent feelings to the world.
Guys can be such assholes--you know who you are.
i am so sick of being picked up, carried for a bit, and then not dropped but THROWN.
music to the medical field may be a big jump, but i am prepared to make it. no matter what you think or say.
people say stupid shit, get over it
people make mistakes, and if it doesn't kill you then get the hell over it.
don't mess with someone else's relationships, butt out it's not yours
i'm a naturally jealous person
i hate it when close friends don't talk to me, and i don't even know what the hell i did
it's AMAZING how the people who you never thought would screw you over, hurt you the most
fuck thatcher.
pre-finals week
holy crap. what a week it's been!
changing my major, studying for finals, watching my roommate pass out and then taking her to the ER, crying all day on wednesday, and basically just going through hell.....
what a horrible semester it's been.
i did this thing on facebook that compiles all of your facebook statuses from 2010, and you can totally tell when summer ended, and my 3rd semester of college started. holy hell.
can we say depressed/angry!?!?
so much has gone down, and i'm just barely figuring out how to deal with it. people leave, and faith can too, but at least the faith is easier to get back sometimes.
why some people have to be so insensitive and annoying and just plain rude is beyond me. i'm so sick of fake people who act like they give a shit when they don't. be real or get lost
changing my major, studying for finals, watching my roommate pass out and then taking her to the ER, crying all day on wednesday, and basically just going through hell.....
what a horrible semester it's been.
i did this thing on facebook that compiles all of your facebook statuses from 2010, and you can totally tell when summer ended, and my 3rd semester of college started. holy hell.
can we say depressed/angry!?!?
so much has gone down, and i'm just barely figuring out how to deal with it. people leave, and faith can too, but at least the faith is easier to get back sometimes.
why some people have to be so insensitive and annoying and just plain rude is beyond me. i'm so sick of fake people who act like they give a shit when they don't. be real or get lost
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)