ok. so have you ever had one of those moments when you're like "SHIT! what do i do?!?!" yeah.... story of my life for the last 24 hours....
fun times... rooftops and college campus.... watching drunk people... talking to a friend from high school... and a security guard kicking me out of a courtyard for sitting on a bench wrong....hahahahahahahaha

and then stuff just happens. and you go with it. next thing you know it's morning and you're trying not to speed all the way home. pull in the drive, and you think you've been sneaky until you get asked "why are you up so early??" crap. if you know me AT ALL you know that i am not a morning person. and to have me be awake at 6am is NOT normal if i have a choice....
now there's like this trust issue, and i have to pretend like everything's ok. i don't know who to talk to about this...cuz i need to talk this out. WHERE'S SHELBY?!!?!?!??!?!?!?! oh yeah. utah. :/

and now i don't know what to say to my friend from high school.... shit. i don't want this to be awkward but i'm making it awkward! i mean, WHAT DO YOU SAY?!?!

and this whole experience reminds me of my trip to thatcher and the little episode at the county fair. where again, i don't want it to be awkward but i'm unsure how to react to people (specific person) and that kinda stuff. UGH i'm so frustrated with myself....
where's mitch? :(

i hurt, i heal..... (you jerk)

why are we so afraid of love?

people always make jokes about mormons and how they get married young and have short engagements and all that jazz. but really, isn't that kinda a good thing?
either you know it's right, or you don't. and the unknown is what scares people.

now. i'm not one of those girls who will know someone for a month, get engaged for another month and get married. that's not my style. i actually want to know the person that i will tie myself to for eternity, better than i could know them in only a couple of months.

and this last summer, i had a wonderful person start to show me how to have a REAL, fun, functional relationship.  he taught me how to feel more emotion when dating someone. how to trust.

and i still have problems with my self confidence, trust, jealousy, and being scared to be in a relationship that might actually go somewhere.... but at least i have more self respect. so thank you zach.

i'm scared of marriage. that's right, i said it! because falling in love and getting married is the great unknown for me.
but i do want that person. that one person that will love me forever as much as i love him. i want to wake up everyday grateful to be laying next to the man that will be with me for eternity. i want to fall more in love with my husband each day. i want to grow old in love, have fun, have adventures, have a family....

i'm moving to provo, utah. and people tend to get married in that particular city......a lot....
and i am NOT moving there to get married. because quite honestly i'm not ready. i have discovered more about myself in the last year, then i have in my entire life. and i think there's more to learn. and i want a career. a good one.... and i am ready to put in the effort,
i'm scared as hell. are you kidding?! who wouldn't be afraid to be making a big move, a state away from "home", making sure that everything is lined up for school. getting ready to grow up, and attend a real university..... and making sure that the major/program that i've picked will lead me to a career that i love doing each day.

i want adventures....hence my summer in Alaska
i want to go to school....my cna course starts november 1st
i want a career.....i want to go to WSU
i want to fall in love.........................................hahaha yeah we'll see how that works out ;)

i love my friends here in tucson, and i will miss my family SO MUCH. but i need to move on, and i need to get out there in the world and figure myself out.

i am not sheltered anymore.
i need to stop being angry. i'm hurting, but i'm healing.
i really care about you. and even though you may not care about me, i will be ok. i don't need to talk to you, and quite frankly i don't need you. i have grown stronger because of all the hell you have put me through. so thank you for being a jerk i guess....haha

it's my time. i will win. and no one will stand in the way of me accomplishing my goals. TAKE THAT! have fun being stuck in thatcher......